Should You Stay Together for the Kids?
People stay married all the time for lots of reasons that aren’t love. Sparing children the disruption of a divorce is a biggie, and it may be the reason that’s keeping you from taking the leap back to single life. If so, you should consider these questions moving forward:
Is your home physically safe? Are the kids witnessing–or even experiencing–physical violence? A violent marriage is no place for kids.
Is your home emotionally safe? There may not be fists flying, but name-calling, degradation, and viciousness impacts kids’ well-being and are really types of domestic violence.
How much unhappiness is there in your marriage? Without question, kids seem to figure it out if the marriage isn’t working. You may not say anything, you may not even actively fight with your spouse, but be 100 percent clear on the fact that your kids are not oblivious to the mood in the home. They see you working out problems or ignoring them, living with harmonious goals or living separate lives in the same house.
How much disruption would occur with a divorce? Will the kids be changing homes, schools, or more? Those changes may frighten you and make you think you should stick it out in the marriage. But you should recognize that you won’t be the first person to experience upheaval. You and your kids can manage it if it’s the right move for you.
How long is long enough? If you’re staying together for the kids, at what point will it be ok to divorce? How many years are you willing to sacrifice for the sake of the kids? If it’s another year until they’re all off to college, maybe that’s doable. If it’s ten years, how’s that going to work?
Is waiting worth putting your life on hold? Do you have aspirations that may never be attained because you’re sacrificing them? Do you think it will impact your kids to see you stuck in a dead end?
What’s the lesser of two evils? If both staying and leaving seem like horrible options, acknowledge that not making a decision is, indeed, a decision. Take charge of the situation and weigh your options and make a choice.
Will the divorce be a healthy choice for everyone? Can you picture coparenting with the best interests of the kids guiding both parents’ actions? If not, are you really coparenting right now? What will be different when you’re living apart? Will living without the stress of unanswered expectations be a healthy experience for your family?
The Best Choice for You
Doing what’s best for the kids simply must be a major consideration in any marriage or divorce. If divorce provides the best possible outcomes for your family, we are here to help. At Courtney & Mills, our experienced divorce attorneys will always work toward your goals in divorce. Schedule a confidential consultation in our Springfield office today.
