Do You Really Want a Divorce?

If you are seriously considering telling your spouse that you want a divorce, it may be worthwhile to do a little more reflection. Mental health worker Mandy Kloppers has come up with a series of questions that can help you hone in on the right decision for you.

The Questions 

Questions cover feelings going back to the very beginning of the marriage, and cover everything up to how you feel right now. Some of the key queries include investigations into:

• Reasons you got married when you did;
• Feelings you had at the time you got married;
• Whether or not you love your spouse now;
• Reasons you’re still together;
• Things you like about your spouse;
• Descriptions of how your spouse treats you;
• The ways in which you wish you were treated;
• The ways you treat your spouse;
• The times you were happiest in the marriage;
• Your current level of happiness;
• Things you would change to make the marriage better;
• Whether or not you believe improvement is possible, and why you feel that way;
• Things you’ve done to make things better;
• Fears you have about staying married;
• Fears you have about divorcing;
• Concerns you have about your children going forward;
• Your gut feelings about what you should do.

Writing Can Bring Clarity 

Kloppers suggests speed writing responses—just jotting down the first thing that comes into your head. When you can’t think of what to write, start a sentence with,“ I want…” and see where it takes you. When you’ve gone through the whole list, sit back and read your responses. See if anything surprises, saddens, angers, or empowers you.

Next Steps 

Since what you’re looking for is inner peace around a difficult decision, you know that you are facing a strenuous emotional journey when it comes to divorce. A big part of it will involve owning your contributions to the unraveling of the marriage. Yes, it’s going to require courage to take a good look at your part in things, but self-awareness is the key to moving forward. While blaming your spouse for their missteps is pretty easy, investigating your own mistakes can take real strength. Owning the decisions and actions that led you to the present can be invigorating, though it can take time and can involve a rollercoaster of emotions. Ultimately, it can give you the clarity to make the right decision in this moment.

Is This the Right Moment? 

If you conclude that divorce is the right choice for you, the experienced Springfield divorce attorneys at Courtney & Mills can help. We always strive to achieve the best results for you. To discuss, schedule a confidential consultation in our Springfield office today.

Source:

mentalhealth.com/library/contemplating-divorce