Divorcing a Spouse Who’s Still Hanging on to the Marriage

Divorce is tough enough without having to deal with a spouse who absolutely wants to remain married. How can you move on with your life without completely devastating the person you once chose to marry?

Understand 

For starters, try to put yourself in your spouse’s shoes. Understanding where they are coming from can illuminate ways to respond effectively. Some issues might include:

• Believing divorce will be bad for the family;
• Believing it is a sin to divorce;
• Thinking they can do something to regain your love;
• Holding the notion of an intact family as a primary goal in life;
• Fear of such a huge change;
• Worries about being alone forever;
• Concerns about financial matters;
• Experiencing anger and wishing to deny you a chance for happiness;
• Feeling like the rug has been pulled out from under them;
• Listening to an attorney who’s advised them to drag things out in order to wear you down when it comes to negotiations.

Now What? 

Once you think you understand what’s motivating the reluctance to cooperate in your spouse, you can consider how to proceed. Do they just need more time and space to get used to the idea? Do they need help envisioning a future that looks wildly unlike the one they’d counted on? Do they need to find a way to forgive you for hurting them? Here’s where listening, allowing them to vent, and empowering them to grow can be important.

• Kindly but firmly impress upon them that you are going forward with the divorce.
• Assure them that they can get through it and find happiness on the other side.
• Remind them that your willingness to co-parent is definitive.
• Explain how you got here without assigning blame.
• Encourage them to find support from family, friends, clergy, and/or a counselor.

If They Continue to Drag Their Feet 

At some point, you may have to proceed without their cooperation.  While it’s possible to delay matters, a reluctant spouse cannot prevent the divorce altogether. In a scenario where you can’t locate your spouse, you may have to pursue service by publication, which involves publishing the service in newspapers. But if you simply disagree with your spouse on moving forward, you may have to just file for divorce and weigh the idea of making concessions, or deal with annoying delays until they run out of ways to hold things up. (This could be more expensive for you both, which could be a point worth making to convince them to get on board!)

Your Legal Advocate 

The experienced Springfield family attorneys at Courtney & Mills are dedicated to achieving your goals in a divorce. To discuss, schedule a confidential consultation in our Springfield office today.