Divorce and the First Discussion

You want out.  Your marriage brings you no pleasure, and you don’t even want to try to make it work.  But you don’t want drama and nastiness either, despite the fact that this is undoubtedly no small matter.  Initiating the divorce discussion is going to require some preparation, so you need to think about exactly what you want to say when you break the news.

Your Headspace 

First things first.  You need to wrap your head around what’s about to happen.  How do you feel?  What led you there? How will your partner probably respond? What questions will your partner have, and how do you plan on answering? Once you’ve thought all of this through, organize your thoughts, practice what you want to say, and decide on how, when, and where you will broach the topic of divorce. Once the conversation is imminent, keep these points in mind:

• Be direct, but kind. Come at the topic directly so your partner has a clear view of your headings from the get-go. Then be clear and concise about your need to end the marriage and the reasons why.
• Remain calm. It’s not just what you have to say; it’s the way you say it. Your tone, gestures, and facial expressions all convey your emotions, and if you’re running hot, it will likely predicate an equally emotional response from your partner.
• Stick to current issues, not the old accusations and resentments. If your partner’s response becomes accusatory and angry, don’t let it distract you. Remember, they may be having a tough time taking this all in, and just because you’ve come prepared to be composed, they’re somewhat shocked by the discussion.
• Listen to your partner’s reaction. While there will likely be a lot of emotion, ultimately their opinions, questions, and wishes will come out. Hear them.
• Remain firm if you’re sure this is what you really want (which it should be if you’re having this conversation). Your partner may beg, threaten, or promise, but if this is the real deal, it’s best for both of you to get used to the idea instead of dragging things out.
• Give your spouse time to accept the situation. In the meantime, figure out whether or not you’ll be able to continue living in the same home, or whether one of you needs to find another place right away. Ultimately, the two of you will need to have some in-depth conversations about long-term housing, property division, issues related to the kids, and financial realities. For now, take care of now.

Work With a Trusted Divorce Attorney 

Divorce is never easy, but it can definitely go more smoothly when you have an experienced Springfield family attorney working toward realistic goals on your behalf.  At Courtney & Mills, you can count on us to have your back.  Schedule a confidential consultation in our office to discuss your situation today.