Breaking the News to Adult Children: You’re Getting Divorced
You might imagine that telling your adult children about a pending divorce would not be too difficult. They are adults, after all. But the truth of the matter is that many adults simply cannot fathom their parents splitting up! You’ve been the constant their whole lives—and change at this point is every bit as devastating as it might have been a decade ago—maybe more so! So how to navigate this tricky step?
Delivering the News
There are several factors to consider as you contemplate sharing the news:
- Preparation: Think about what you want to say and how you want to say it. Would it be better to deliver the news with your spouse, or alone? Stick to talking points that will provide the needed information and thoughts about the future while being understanding, supportive and prepared for any possible reactions. It’s also useful to emphasize what will remain constant instead of just focusing on the upheaval.
- Timing: If at all possible, it’s best to deliver the news to all of the kids at the same time, and in person. They deserve to get the news straight from you, not through the grapevine, even the sibling grapevine. Just like telling younger kids, it’s important to stress that the divorce is a result of your unhappiness—and they are not to blame, nor should they feel anxious or uncertain about how they will be impacted.
- Never Overshare: Don’t spew out blame or explanations! Remember that you want them to maintain a good relationship with both of their parents. Just deliver the facts without sugarcoating it, pay attention to their body language and questions, and emphasize that all will be well.
- Nurture Neutrality: Make sure your children know that you don’t expect or hope for them to take sides in this matter. They deserve to love and trust their parents, and you deserve their neutrality.
- Give them Space: It may come as a shock to the children, who will be wondering about holidays and special events, financial duress for one or both parents, and much more. Let them navigate their feelings without judgment.
- Take Time to Find a New Love: Just because they are adults, don’t expect your children to readily accept new relationships! Give them time to adjust to the divorce before asking them to give their blessing to your blossoming love life.
Let Us Help
Divorce can be a painful, complicated process for the people getting the divorce, as well as for their families. At Courtney & Mills, our experienced Springfield family attorneys always strive to achieve the best possible outcomes for you. To discuss, schedule a confidential consultation in our Springfield office today.
